Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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