thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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