The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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