If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
