why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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