Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
