You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
