K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
