yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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