i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
