she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
