If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
