Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
