I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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