two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
