The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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