I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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