GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
