Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
