I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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