You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
