why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
