using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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