I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
