I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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