i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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