end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
