i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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