my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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