A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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