Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
