I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.