Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved