hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.