Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.