He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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