he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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