a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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