proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
