Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
