That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
