she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
