you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
