I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
