What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
