I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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