Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
