If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
