I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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