Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
