I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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