i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
