and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
