What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
