Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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