i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
