It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
