i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
