ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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