Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
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rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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