my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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