My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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