garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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