Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's blow job season.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
