I just saw a hot homeless man
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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