somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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