I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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