my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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