Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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